The Myths of Childhood
I was raised with certain beliefs and ideals instilled in me. And I thought they were ingrained by my parents. Things like:
People should be treated with respect (even if you don’t like them).
Name-calling is never acceptable (and always a sign of weakness and lack of intelligence).
We should look out for others, particularly those who are vulnerable.
Owning up to your mistakes was an important lesson in learning not to make them again.
Considering other's feelings—empathy—was an essential interpersonal skill.
But I was wrong. Those are attributes I must have picked up from many hours of television because the elders I grew up with can’t possibly believe any of those things based on the lever they pulled at the polls in November. Gladly—proudly—choosing someone like the orange felon undoes so much of the goodness I believed was true in those I loved who I thought were teaching me these lessons. But, it was all a lie. And now, the lessons they teach me are starkly ones of “things not to do.”
It’s an odd feeling to have to examine and, ultimately, retcon one’s childhood, but as I’ve spent time thinking and journaling about it over the last few months, I think the way I choose to conduct myself wasn’t taught to me by exhausted parents who in hindsight seem frustrated with their life choices (that I, of course, had nothing to do with.) With no parental handbook issued upon my birth, they did the best they knew how, I’m sure. But as working people, they weren’t sitting around waiting to teach us lessons.
As a gay kid growing up in Indiana in the 80s, I knew I was different, though it would be years until I figured out exactly how. I didn’t grow up feeling any kind of privilege. I was always an awkward outsider, at least in my head. And I was as grateful for the kindness shown to me as I was dispensing it.
I hope all those millions of people who are experiencing the pain of severing or limiting relationships with family and friends as we work to revise our childhoods take heart in knowing—regardless of our pasts—we’ve grown up to be people standing tall on the right side of the law and, more importantly, on the right side of history.
And we, ourselves, have lessons to teach. Let the class begin.